First Conservative - Political Humor and Obamatudes

Political Humor - Ten Qualifications for Supreme Court Nominees

Now that President Obama has nominated the first Hispanic to the Supreme Court, investigation into her past rulings has begun.   Timed to overshadow North Korea’s threat to the United States, Obama released his pick for the Supreme Court and pleaded for ‘bipartisanship’ in the approval process.  (see the Bipartisanship Trap).

Since Justice David Souter announced his intent to resign, the flurry of activity investigating the next leftist to occupy a seat on the Judiciary has begun.  It was reported that President Obama had some conversations with former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich for advice on how to handle the vacancy.

With the election of Barack Obama the country has thrown off its racist past and now looks with courage to our new Socialist future.  Creating a newer, hipper country that is more sensitive to needs of those long ignored classes is work well underway.  Judge Sotomayor is just the kind of jurist to create the laws America needs to right the wrongs of centuries past.

In Obama’s America, justice is in the eye of the beholder.  The President wanted a Justice that will use every opportunity –regardless of case law or precedent – to advance His causes.  The Justice may not use existing law to stop progress on the march to Socialism.

Accordingly, Team Obama has found a nominee who appears willing to overrule prior legal precedent and use the bench to create the utopia that Obama was elected to produce.  The candidate also seems to be ‘cool’ in the eyes of leftist voters. Judge Sotomayor apparently passed the initial set of Ten Qualifications established by the Obama administration to measure her ‘coolness’ factor.  These areas included:

10.  Has own Facebook page – A measure of popularity is important.  The successful candidate should have a facebook page with over 100 close friends; friends should include Ralph Lauren.   Facebook is necessary to maintain the elitist belief system while appearing to be a regular person.

9.  Twitters - Being popular and staying in touch with the minions for whom the Justice decides important issues is key to determining what is best for the masses.  Telling the masses what is good for them  - whether they like it or not - is part of the new job description for a Supreme Court Justice.   When one can ‘tweet’ pontifications, it leaves more time to watch PBS and CNN to hear what the President wants everyone to think.

8.  Participated in student government – While studying, it is important that the candidate have experienced the futility of working in student government.  It is an essential part of one’s life experience to have put in a lot of work on something that made very little difference.  This provides empathy for governmental positions during upcoming legal cases.

7.  Knows at least one Supremes song – Diana Ross may have been the lead singer, but it is important to understand the magic all three created together.   It is also important to understand that no one took Diana’s spotlight.  President Obama believes this analogy to be important.  Given Sotomayor’s pathetically slow speech at her introduction, she will never overshadow the President’s performance ability.

6.  Has seen “Free to Be You and Me” – The 1973 film proclaimed that little girls didn’t have to marry a prince and little boys could play with dolls if they so chose.  This was a milestone in overturning the culturally oppressive American values system.  It also featured lefty icon and vegetarian Marlo Thomas.

5.  Knows one alien; legal or otherwise – After all, no human being is illegal – they just haven’t been registered to vote.  Disenfranchised human beings have the right to provide low wage labor in exchange for registering and voting as Democrats.  This is a fundamental human right.   The successful candidate should have experience in hiring an alien and in dodging the associated payroll taxes.

4.  Has own iPod;  extra credit if it is an iPhone – Combining technologies, the iPhone and iPod merged uses to provide the ability to talk while listening to music.  Significantly, it impedes the ability to listen to others while using the iPhone.  A leftist Supreme Court Justice must never listen to others, but rely on the leftist values system to right the wrongs of the past 233 years.

3.  Is skilled at Guitar Hero – Connecting with the youth culture makes leftist indoctrination much easier.  This week, Metallica lead James Hetfield said that he believed Guitar Hero is a great gateway drug to real music.  A new Supreme Court Justice should not only understand youth culture and practice, he/she should be adept at the very things youth like to do – like pretending to perform real music.

2.   Knows where Barney Frank has takes his lunch – This is important as future cases before the bench may require a re-evaluation of leftist philosophy.  Since this can’t be done in public, the potential Justice must be prepared to visit the Oracle of Leftist Virtue at his place of feeding.  President Obama is the figurehead Oracle of Leftist Virtue, but He can’t be seen discussing ongoing cases.

1.   Has successfully dodged payment of federal taxes – Team Obama concluded that there are in fact, no Democrats who have paid all their taxes.  Turning this into an asset, Obama insiders have decided to make this a job requirement.  If a Justice can come up with a good reason why he or she didn’t pony up to Uncle Sam that would be a good precedent for other Congressional lefties when they get nailed.   A skilled legal mind would then also come up with reasoning why everyone else should follow a different set of taxation rules.