Political Humor - What Would Biden Say?
Political Humor – What Would Biden Say?
The gift to the Political Humor world, Vice President Joe Biden again revealed why he is one of the most sought after interviews in the nation when he apparently re-designed the Hudson River Tunnel project in upstate New York. Originally proposed for train access only, Amtrak Joe wanted future users to look forward to the day when they could drive their cars through the Hudson Tunnel. Hopefully the ones driving will be able to point the car in the same direction as the trains travelling through it.
Biden has proved such an embarrassment that even the Obama team wanted to keep their VP locked in that undisclosed secure location. To prevent being quarantined, Biden promptly released the location of the now somewhat secure and until recently undisclosed location beneath… well… enough damage has been done already. The point is that Biden’s mouth operates independently of cognitive management and even the Washington Press Corps has to laugh. Biden has given root to hundreds of websites dedicated to Biden gaffes and misstatements.
As silly as the Biden statements are, other interesting events occur when Washington Democrats attempt to put words into action. This yields such great decisions as closing Guantanamo Bay Detention Center without a clue or a plan as to what to do with the prisoners already there. Even Nancy Pelosi doesn’t want more trained killers in her district. Borrowing trillions of dollars for a Stimulus package without any idea how to actually pay for it also qualifies as interesting – dangerous, but interesting.
Try as they have, the Obama administration simply has not been able to properly task Joe Biden to a job he is both capable of executing and won’t wreck with his mouth. Obama originally sent in His VP to oversee Stimulus spending. The train tunnel under the Hudson was one of the largest of the Stimulus efforts Biden was to oversee and the VP clearly had no idea what the project consisted of. All this certainly begs the question “What would Biden say?” on a host of other issues.
Team Obama will never allow the press to have an unsupervised visit with Joe Biden because even the administration would have to laugh. Then they would have to have to explain to the nation how they could have possibly picked Delaware Joe for the second most important US government role.
The following are the top ten topics that the free world would like to see VP Biden respond to. Although nothing is as good as an original Biden answer, the crack staff at First Conservative have hypothesized Biden’s responses to the following topics and provided appropriate analysis. (Topic in bold, pseudo Biden answers in italics.)
10. Former VP Dick Cheney? – “He had his chance to wreck the government. Now it is our turn and he should stay quiet and let us.” Democrats now cringe when comparisons are made between the former Vice President and the current one. The former is capable of answering a question and sticking to an assigned task. Obama is trying to figure out how who advised him to foul up His VP choice.
9. Unemployment? - “Why can’t these guys just go out and get a job? Employment is created by working so we need to just get out and work at it.” Biden has never really had a job. His life experience includes stints as an attorney, but mostly as a politician. This means that he only has real experience as an entertainer. The DC press corps would love to see more entertainment from the VP.
8. Inflation? – “Who cares if the money is worth less today than it was yesterday? Look if it takes more money to buy something tomorrow then someone in the economy is making more and that would be good. “Economics is a discipline that most Democrats can’t master. Biden combines this incompetence with a gaffe-prone delivery that makes all statements incomprehensible.
7. General Motors? - “Those of us that remember the Studebaker know that GM built some great automobiles.” Like Economics, History is another academic area Democrats wrestle with. Team Obama is particularly sensitive to allowing Biden to speak on historical matters since he can be so easily proven wrong.
6. Supreme Court Justice? “The Court is one of the most important Houses of Government and needs to have people working in it that know what the law is.” Partially stealing this line from liberal genius Barbara Streisand, Biden would certainly understand the importance of the Supreme Court if not its actual role.
5. Israel? “Israel needs to make peace with its neighbors to keep them from attacking one another.” Biden understands that Israel is located in a part of the world where neighbors are none too fond of one another. Only Biden would warn of a military scuffle between Lebanon and Jordan.
4. Korea? “I have relatives that fought in Korea so I know that we don’t want another war there. The Japanese were a tough enemy back then.” Although Korea was involved to some degree in the Second World War, it would escape the VP that the major conflict of the early 1950s didn’t involve Japan.
3. Global Warming? “The icecaps are melting because the earth is warming. Pretty soon Chicago will be under water if something isn’t done.” Forgetting that Chicago is not at sea level, Biden’s grasp of US geography would rival that of President Obama who has incidentally visited all 57 states.
2. Afghanistan? – “President Obama sent thousands of Marines to hit the beaches in Afghanistan and take the fight to the enemy.” Marines might hit a rocky beach around some mountain lake, but it is highly likely that the Vice President will spend a great deal of time looking for Afghanistan’s shoreline on the Indian Ocean.
1. Guantanamo Detention Center? - “The United States should completely get out of El Salvador. We don’t need to protect the canal there anymore and when we leave, we should close the prison. ”
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Bigfoot says:
June 10th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
I think you should cut VP Joe some slack on Afghanistan. A beach and a desert both have sand, so it’s not too bad to get them confused, right? And if we ever get some real global warming and sea level rise, Afghanistan will get its Indian Ocean coastline, you know.
Tom the Redhunter says:
June 10th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
LOL, yes, Biden has proven himself a joke. What gets me is that during the campaign so many liberals told us that he was so superior to Sarah Palin because of his vast experience. Well, Biden is proof that that experience does not necessarily lead to wisdom. in his case, just the opposite….