Political Humor - July 4 Tea Party Preparation
Political Humor – July 4 Tea Party Preparation
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Following on the heels of the highly successful Tea (Taxed Enough Already) Parties, conservatives are again gearing up for a larger national set of Tea Party demonstrations set for July 4. CBS and CNN are of course preparing to ignore it.
After working so hard to extort more income from working Americans, Democrats will be on vacation that holiday weekend resting up for the next round of spending. The effort to spend trillions of dollars to ruin American health care will be front and center over the next two weeks which should give CNN and MSNBC plenty to cover up. The execs at CBS are praying for a natural disaster of some sort to provide an excuse for not covering either the incredible cost of the health care takeover or the Tea Party demonstrations.
Conservatives must build on the experience of last spring’s Tea Party events to be better ready to handle challenges this time around. Two weeks will pass quickly, so participants should get started now by assembling Tea Party preparedness kits. The purpose of the Tea Party kit is to have all necessary equipment ready to:
· show the family a good time on July 4,
· send a message about over taxation that the politicians can’t ignore,
· enrage as many of your leftist friends as possible, and
· enlarge your family’s carbon footprint.
Of course the real challenge is to convince the local news media to cover the event fairly. If they can even be coerced to attend, local media will be playing its ‘B’ team over the holiday weekend, so this may present some opportunities. Reporters who haven’t quite made it to the late evening newscast may see their opportunity to make the big time by demonstrating their leftist leanings out in the open or by actually covering the story.
No matter what the news media will try, conservatives need to be prepared. The following is a list of top ten items to include with your Tea Party Preparedness Kit.
10. Flags – The Stars and Stripes need to be flown wherever possible this Independence Day. Leftists never understand the attachment to a symbol of American freedom and courage. As Obama plans to transform this day into ‘Dependence Day,’ a few reminders about original intent seem appropriate. Should liberals ask why you need to make such a show of your patriotism, tell them you will answer if they can find all 57 stars for each state Obama visited during the campaign.
9. T-Shirts – A particularly useful one that makes fun of the red and blue Obama ‘Hope’ posters will attract media attention. Practice Obama’s far off and distant, visionary look for that moment when television cameras point your way. Look off into the distance and then laugh. Lefties hate being laughed at.
8. Cell phones - Bring a list of the media offices to contact from the steps of the state capitol or whatever venue is appropriate. Should you not see a particular news station present, call ‘em! As the press release for the local Tea Party will have long since been thrown away, these members of the leftist intelligentsia will need reminding.
7. Video recorders - It is highly important to record TV interviews with participants. Television and radio editors will do everything possible to make participants look foolish, so an honest recording of the event is necessary. Should the local “Live at 5” crowd try to present the interview as a slap at conservatives, we’ll post the real video as a rebuttal. Keeping reporters honest requires filming them in their work. Like the Chicago CNN reporter that tried to embarrass Tea Party participants earlier this year, a home video of the event just made her look foolish.
6. Good picnic – preferably the traditional fried chicken – Meatless and gutless leftists express displeasure when humans consume meat products, so fry up a couple cluckers using Grandma’s recipe and consume loudly. Also bring paper and plastic plates and picnic goods. Expanding your family’s carbon footprint is a decent slap at ignorant Al Gore followers.
5. Water – Bottled in plastic convenience containers that are easily thrown away when liquid is consumed, water should be brought to the venue as one can be sure that the local liberal establishment won’t provide water and bathrooms like they did for the KKK rally. The slogan “forever in a landfill” is appropriate here because that is what should become of the Stimulus bill (not to mention the health care takeover).
4. Parking money – The remarkable degree of civility that marked the previous Tea Party events was measured in the organized fashion in which participants paid their parking fees. Patiently queuing up in an organized line without any government official telling them to do so testifies to conservatives’ ability to govern themselves. Liberals seem to need a government hack overseeing their every move. They also need ACORN members telling them where to park.
3. Air horns – These are particularly useful for upsetting counter protesters, ACORN members and ‘Citizen Journalists’ from the Huffington Post. Expect disgruntled leftists (the ones without hangovers) to be in attendance this time. Should they start to drown out speakers, participants should take a moment and have everyone blast their air horns at ‘em all at once. Liberals are good only at disrupting others. Conservatives must be prepared to respond. Besides.. it feels really good to - for once - be louder than a lefty.
2. Kids – they are getting the bill from Obama, so they may as well attend the picnic.
1. Friends! – This is the big item everyone must remember. One can’t rely on the media for an accurate headcount for an event that has anti-Obama overtones. The only way to make an impression is to show up with too many people for the area to handle.
See you there July 4th!