First Conservative - Political Humor and Obamatudes

Daily Obamatude for May 30

When President Obama retained Robert Gates as Secretary of Defense, His partisan backers were aghast.  But.. since Obama’s main objectives centered on developing new ways to ruin the economy and reset American social structure, the lefties let it go. 

Obama has found another use for Gates, though.  The President had to double check his job description to make sure that defending the country was included because the emergence this week of North Korea as a major threat has required attention that Obama would rather give elsewhere.  Having Gates on board provides the President with the excuse that - should something go terribly wrong - the Chosen One would have a Bush administration official handy upon whom to dump the blame.

Daily Obamatude:

Cool is Robert Gates - for he shall be My scapegoat

From this past week, check out:

• Creative Taxation
• Foreign Policy House of Cards
• Sotomayor Season of Silly Statements
• Top Ten Occupations for Released Terrorists
  
• North Korea - Obama’s Challenge

Also!  check out the new page “Hire this Blogger!“  Given the President’s handling of the economy, your humble blogger is looking for new opportunities!

Thanks for reading!

First Conservative - First in Political Humor

Political Humor – Creative Taxation

Whenever Democrats achieve power, one can bet the bank account that the bank account will be getting smaller.  Still, it is entertaining to listen to Democrats who campaign as fiscal conservatives and then try to mask tax increases as things like ‘user fees.’  By whatever name, in the end, Democrats always try to get more of the money you earn.

Taxation is the method by which government appropriates or legally extorts personal wealth that it doesn’t earn.  Ostensibly, government rationale holds that since it is the protector of the economic system that allows creation of individual wealth.  Governmental units are entitled to some of this revenue to provide the things necessary for the continued existence of that economic system.  Unfortunately, politicians are creative people and discovered some generations ago that government revenue was also useful for buying the votes necessary to keep them in positions of power.   So using government to extort money from one group via taxation and provide benefits to another was elevated to the art form that we now call centralized government.

Centralized government continually looks for ways to buy more votes for incumbent politicians and of course more vote buying requires more revenue.  Voter backlash against over-taxation though, has begun to resurface.  California’s Proposition 13 which rolled back California property taxes by 57% back in the 1970s, and Colorado’s Taxpayer Bill of Rights (TABOR) Amendment which restricted the amount of revenue that the state could appropriate from its citizens, changed the game for liberals.  Democrats then had to be much more creative about their extortion efforts.

Government intervention in the economic system frequently produces unintended consequences.   When tax writers look at the economic system, they apply a simple but error filled formula to their revenue calculations.  They look at the activity they are going to tax and multiply their tax rate by the current level of economic activity relative to that item.  Unfortunately for the budget officers, each citizen is free to modify his behavior. When costs for certain goods increase because of taxation, consumption decreases.  This frequently leaves budget officials with less revenue than they were expecting and almost as frequently, leaves them with less revenue than they had prior to initiating the tax.  Additionally, decreased consumption because of taxation yields lost jobs and therefore lower income tax revenues.  In short, raising tax rates frequently produces less revenue for the government.  And as JFK and Ronald Reagan proved, the opposite is true as well; lowering tax rates frequently increases government revenue.

Beating their collective noggins on the brick wall of reality, today’s Democrats keep trying to find a taxation model that doesn’t produce this result.  Liberals must be given credit for perseverance however.  There are some very creative tax ideas either proposed or enacted right now.  Here is a top ten list of the more interesting among them:

10.  Gasoline – While always being a significant portion of the consumer’s cost, the Obama administration seems intent on influencing consumption by raising tax rates on gas and fuel oil.  The theory goes that restricting domestic production of gasoline and fuel oil through environmental regulation, the supply will remain short which will keep consumption down and costs elevated.  Since everyone has to purchase at least some gasoline and fuel oil, they will be compelled to pay the higher tax rates.  The theory blows up when the elderly upstate New York resident who won’t be able to afford the fuel oil to heat her home contacts Senator Shumer about her problem.  Team Obama will then have to intervene with some of the tax dollars it collected from gas and fuel taxes to pay out as subsidies.  The ultimate objective here may be to compel people to drive less, live colder and ride to work like Pee Wee Herman.

9.  Cola and Chips – Some governmental agencies believe that taxing colas and snack foods will not decrease consumption as folks just like this stuff too much to give it up.   Unfortunately, people will not give it up completely, but increased costs will force down consumption.  Kids will start snacking on carrot sticks and tofu and start acting like human beings.  (Society can’t tolerate that.)  The government will have to then tax the health food industry.

8.  Cigarettes – Vice taxes are always a hit with taxpayers – except for the vice-practicing taxpayers.   Politicians love to assign others responsibility for paying for certain programs.  The state of Colorado recently instituted a one dollar tax per package of smokes - ostensibly to raise money for treatment of smoking disease.  When the tax went into effect huge numbers of people quit smoking.  If the objective was to compel citizens to quit smoking, the plan worked perfectly.  Unfortunately, the objective was to generate revenue.  The state government now has the same medical bills for smoking disease, but a greatly decreased revenue stream from taxes on cigarette sales.   The Democrat state legislature is now trying to figure out something else to tax.

7.  Bonuses – The federal government’s experience with AIG allowed liberal politicians to start looking at taxing bonus payments at a much higher rate than regular income.  What they will get is reduced revenue because companies will use bonus money to compensate workers and executives in different ways that may avoid the tax bill.  In fact, many of these firms will be moving off shore to avoid excessive taxation altogether and will take their jobs with them.

6.  Liquor – Another vice tax, government officials believe that taxing liquor is a good way to raise revenue.  What it does raise is the volume of bootlegging taking place.  Like bringing cigarettes in from lower tax areas and consuming them in a high tax state, liquor will just go through more circuitous channels to avoid additional taxes whenever possible.  Smokey and the Bandit may return to the US highways soon.

5.  Prostitution – Nevada officials began looking at taxing the oldest profession to add to their revenue pool.  As prostitution is currently legal in Nevada, it wouldn’t be a stretch to suddenly practice it on an ‘illegal’ basis to avoid recording the income.   Unless Nevada is willing to hire an army of Prostitution Tax Agents (PTAs), the Carson City accountants probably shouldn’t start spending this money prior to its arrival.  Enforcement costs though would probably exceed the revenue generated.   Actually, the state of Nevada could at least take a bite out of its unemployment rate by hiring a bunch of PTAs to keep tabs on the working girls.

4.  Marijuana Sales – As part of resolving the catastrophic California budget mess, politicians there are looking to tax legal marijuana sales.   This enters the realm of absurdity as making a substance more legal and available for the purpose of taxing it defies logic.  Money that consumers currently spend on other goods and services would be spent on marijuana consumption – including the state tax.  This will reduce revenue from legitimate businesses and drive more business to marijuana growers and suppliers.  How this fits into a healthy economy is anyone’s guess.

3.  Communications Equipment – Any politician with a teenage daughter understands the level of use a cell phone gets.  With text messaging and wireless communications, the more creative liberals are exploring the idea of increasing tax rates on popular electronic services.  Any voter with a teenager at home could then expect an increase to his cell phone bill each month based on the level of electronic activity.  On the consumer level, this would justify taking away the cell phone after the dinner hour.  As families manage their costs, usage of the taxed service would decline.  Like the Colorado cigarette tax, this might actually be a good thing, but wouldn’t bring in the extra revenue governments want.  The lefties will be back at the trough looking for something else to tax.

2.  Penalties – Increasing penalties on late tax payments has also arisen as a new revenue opportunity.  Penalties were originally assessed to inspire taxpayers to be on time.  Taxpayers that are in fact on time in their payments experience no penalty.  An increased late payment penalty would only reinforce the need to file and pay on time.  That may in itself be a good thing, but the policy won’t generate more revenue as taxpayers will be more inspired to get the bill paid and filed on time.

1.  VAT  - Team Obama has rolled out its favorite tax play this week.  Something called the Value Added Tax would simply be a tax on everything.  The allure of the VAT would be that the current income tax system would completely go away.  A VAT would also allow the government to bury tax levels in the activity businesses pay.  As voters tend to ignore the fact that what they pay for goods and services contains all manner of federal, state, local and employment taxes embedded in the cost of production, voters could easily be hoodwinked into paying greater and greater levels of taxation.  (It is important to remember that all taxes are paid by consumers anyway – regardless of what liberals want to believe.)   Look for the CPA and American Bar Association lobbies to rise up against this idea.

Foreign Policy House of Cards

Author’s note:
This all might be mildly funny if it weren’t so frightening.  What was intended to be a humorous piece highlighting the outrageous foreign policy failures achieved in a very small window of time, turned out to be something that caused a lot of lost sleep.  US citizens must hope that at least someone in Washington is taking foreign affairs seriously.  That 3:00 am call might occur sooner than anyone imagines and the issue might be on a geographic scale, closer than anyone imagines. 

Obama has been letting foreign policy matters stack up at the White House during his fund raising trip to Vegas and Cali.   Following North Korea’s apparently successful test of a strong nuclear bomb, Obama met the issue squarely and forcefully – by introducing his SCOTUS pick.  Then He left town.

It is difficult to determine Obama’s foreign policy strategy – possibly because there is none.  A candidate who believes dialogue solves all conflicts and a candidate willing to talk with any and all adversaries unconditionally, is regarded in the international community as–at best – foolish.  Certainly the North Koreans believe so. 

A foolish leader invites adversaries to create trouble.  Not wanting to be second in line to anyone, North Korea launched an aggressive display of its new weapons and delivery programs over the Memorial Day weekend.  Iran, Venezuela and others are anxious to push the formerly strong United States into submission over weapons and trade issues.   Although He and the CNN folks will try, Obama cannot blame the deteriorating international situation on George W. Bush.  The Chosen One based his foreign policy on an extension of his campaign – complete with speeches and town hall meetings.   The foreign speeches and performances have only established the US President as an orator and a performer.  Action determines leadership skill however, and this President is determined to leave action to others.    Obama believes that his oratorical skill can change hearts and minds.  It will only invite those that wish to attack America, to step up their efforts.

Obama, in his short tenure as President, has achieved some remarkable failures.  The top ten of these (so far), are:

10.  Guantanamo – The issue that won’t go away, closing Guantanamo Detention Center has hand-cuffed the entire administration.  Since Congress intelligently withheld funding for closing the prison, Obama gave an exasperated speech urging Congressional action.  Congress wants to see the plan.  The President wants Congress to make the plan.  At least the stalemate will prevent the base from closing its prison.    Should prisoners be brought to the US, Obama will significantly hurt election prospects of fellow liberals.

9.  France – French President Sarkozy saw early on that the President’s naïve world view would only endanger the western world.  Accordingly, Sarkozy re-engaged his nation as a military contributor to and participant in the North American Treaty Organization.  This gives France a much stronger voice in handling upcoming military conflicts, deployments and defense strategies.    Sarkozy also had the sense not to commit additional French troops to any mission lead by the Obama administration - particularly in Afghanistan.  Solid American leadership might have secured real French participation. 

8.  The United Nations – With Hillary running the State Department, Obama can be sure that the interests of the United States are being sold out just as quickly as is humanly possible.  Following the North Korean nuclear test, Ambassador Rice issued a strongly worded condemnation and met with the Security Council – which also issued a strongly worded condemnation.   The United Nations proved itself incapable of conflict resolution a generation ago, but is quite capable of issuing strongly worded condemnations.  Team Obama believes in the institution however.  It is a great place to talk.

7.  Russia – After watching Obama in action, Russian Strong Man Vladimir Putin is now trying to figure out how his side lost the Cold War.   If Americans elected people like Obama, Russian should be the new language of North America.  Putin sees the opportunity to rebuild the Soviet empire and is pushing back into the formerly independent nation of Georgia as well as other former Soviet bloc nations.  Obama has helped in calling for reduction in the missile defense shield and for reductions in US conventional forces.  This allows Russia to take additional territory.  The next time Russian tanks roll onto another’s territory, Obama will run to one of the 57 states to raise campaign cash.

6.  China – The Chinese are initiating a hostile take-over of the US economy.  Only this take over may not be so ‘hostile.’  Obama is begging the Chinese to buy more US debt instruments to fund His Stimulus programs. The Chinese have figured out though, that if Obama starts printing money, their investments will be worth less and less.   Team Obama truly doesn’t know what to do here.  On top of the economic relationship, Chinese warships routinely harass American ships and planes.   If there is a Chinese policy, it is a mystery to both sides.  And getting the Chinese to restrain North Korea?  Team Obama has given away all leverage and will have to give up something significant to gain Chinese help. 

5.  Pakistan – The civilian government that Obama as then Senator Obama wanted installed, has proven that it might not have the political will to defeat the Taliban rebels currently holding territory north of its capital city.  Fortunately, the Pakistani Army understands that should they lose to the Taliban, their heads would be first on the block.  The Pakistani Army may be expected to fight hard.   The next time Obama wants a civilian government installed somewhere, He should probably make sure it has the will as well as the ability to defend itself. 

4.  Afghanistan – US troops are already there, so this might turn out okay.  Still, Obama is of the immediate gratification generation that is seeking to be immediately gratified with a quick victory.  This is so that the military divisions in that country may be brought home and eliminated to further weaken national defense.  Afghanistan is a generations-long commitment however, and victory will not be achieved by this or the next President.

3.  Iran – Obama has resigned himself to allowing an Iranian nuclear bomb.  He couldn’t talk them out of it.  He released a slick, well translated, well-delivered speech to the Iranians and they didn’t budge.  In fact, they laughed.  If talking doesn’t work, Team Obama has no clue what to try next.  So rather than keep up pressure on Iran, Obama turned up the pressure on Israel.

2.  Israel – The Jewish state has resigned itself to Obama’s acceptance of an Iranian nuclear bomb.  Unfortunately for Obama, Israel hasn’t decided whether to allow Iran to achieve nuclear capability.  That conflict would be horrible but may in the estimation of the Israelis, be unavoidable.  Better to fight the bad guys before the bad guys can wipe you off the map.  Obama simply doesn’t accept that war is inevitable as long as the two sides keep talking instead of fighting.  Iran is willing to talk for as long as it takes to complete their weapons development.  Iran will then fight until others stop talking. 

1.  North Korea – The DPRK apparently freed itself from Chinese and Russian (Soviet) control.  Obama has reached out to the North Koreans in the North Korean language, but has received only threats in return.   This morning, the DPRK’s little dictator stated that the nation would no longer honor the 1953 Armistice that ended the first Korean War.  Obama has been so dumfounded that his condemnations appear weak and childish.  Like the boy who cried ‘wolf’ Obama has strongly condemned the rogue nation so many times that should the DPRK make an actual incursion or strike with one of their weapons, Obama Himself may not believe it.

Daily Obamatude for May 27

After introducing liberal Judge Sonya Sotomayor as His Supreme Court Nominee, President Obama appealed to the Senate for a speedy confirmation.  There is no time to waste when going about the business of ruining the country’s economic and social structure.

The President then boarded Air Force One for a junket to Las Vegas to campaign and raise money for beleaguered Senate Majority Leader “Lighthouse” Harry Reid.  Reid it seems, is in some re-election trouble.  Being even too liberal for the Vegas counter culture, Harry Reid is appealing for support wherever he can get it. Come November 2010, Nevada voters may be pushing out ‘ol Harry to pasture with Tom Daschle.  At least Harry can raise money as a lobbyist.
 
Cool is Harry Reid - for he shall take the fall for Me

Also check out:

• The Bipartianship Trap
• The Apology Tour - Middle East Version
• Top Ten Occupations for Released Terrorists
  
• North Korea - Obama’s Challenge

Thanks for reading!

Political Humor - The Sotomayor Season of Silly Statements

A nomination to the Supreme Court of the United States is a rare and storied political spectacle punctuated by partisan bickering.  At least it is entertaining.

President Obama’s nomination Tuesday of Judge Sonya Sotomayor was released amid great fanfare from the left and reserved resistance from conservatives.   A graduate of Princeton University and Yale Law School, Judge Sotomayor’s record is cause for concern among conservatives.  Faced with giving a lifetime appointment to an unabashed liberal judicial activist, conservatives are measuring their prospects in the Senate to filibuster the nominee.    If the Maine ladies can be persuaded join the conservative cause, there would be a chance.  Perhaps Snowe and Collins may be looking for a chance to come back over to the Republican Party following their support of Obama’s Stimulus package.

Replacing Justice Souter with another lefty won’t change the Supreme Court, but it will extend the life of the current left-leaning portion of it.  In her mid-fifties, a Justice Sotomayor would be inflicting major damage upon the United States for the better part of 30 years.  Republicans will at least be doing their research while Democrats celebrate her nomination.

As Obama heads for Vegas to raise money for Lighthouse Harry Reid, Washington is left to analyze the Sotomayor nomination.  In doing so, the Washington establishment has already emitted some interesting descriptions of the nominee and the confirmation process.  The following are the top ten silly statements, as of day one of her nomination process.

10.  (Sotomayor would not be) “reflexively liberal” – Matt Lauer, NBC Today Show Host and Hair Implant Guru.  The terms ‘reflexive’ and ‘liberal’ are in fact redundant.  Liberalism is by nature reflexive, requiring no forethought or analysis prior to reaching a conclusion.  Liberalism only requires one to ‘feel’ and not to dispassionately research.   A liberal therefore just reacts to stimuli and is therefore ‘reflexive.’  In his attempt to appear intellectual, Lauer just embarrassed himself.

9.  “Appellate Courts are where policy is made” (Sotomayor Herself).   Acknowledging with a wink and a nod at a Duke University discussion, Sotomayor admitted that court-made policy in fact occurs at the Appellate level and above.  By defining legal parameters and meaning, Courts are then able to make laws where none were intended.  She has to be positively drooling at the prospect of having no one above her to reverse any lunatic liberal ideal that she might promote.   Joking that she was being recorded while making this statement indicates that she was unconcerned others knowing her activist vision.

8.  “You don’t want to be perceived as a bully” (GOP Chairman Michael Steele) referring to investigating the nominee’s history and temperament.  Respectfully, this is akin to a guppy bullying a shark.  Given the shortage of conservative Senators, the GOP has only one long shot to block this nominee – or to block any damaging legislation.  Unless completely united, Republicans can’t bully anyone.  Still, Democrats will position Republicans as the big mean kid on the playground.  

7.  “(Any delay in confirmation would) inhibit the Senate’s ability to focus on other important priorities like the economy, energy and health care” (Senator Diane Feinstein, D-CA).  Ruining the economy, auto manufacturing, dismantling US defense capabilities are all liberal priorities.  Feinstein doesn’t want to be detracted too much by a drawn out confirmation process.    She also needs time to prevent the solar energy industry from setting up shop in the Mojave Desert where the sun actually shines.

6.  “Activist judges have no place on the highest court of the land” (Senator Mark Pryor – D AR) – One has to double check the party affiliation of a US Senator making this statement.  However, as one of the surviving southern Democrat Senators, Pryor has to issue this statement for home consumption.  He quickly followed it up with the thought that he didn’t think Sotomayor fit the description of a judicial activist.  It is interesting that he would arrive at this conclusion prior to Senate hearings.

5.  “I applaud the nomination of Judge Sotomayor to the Supreme Court”  (Senator Arlen Specter D-PA) - Now that he is a Democrat, Specter won’t get nearly the press for disagreeing with Republicans.  Specter counted on a myriad of cameras and lights outside his office when he would poke a finger in the eye of conservatives.  Now that he has confirmed his leftist credentials, there was only one Harrisburg reporter there this morning with a notepad.   Specter will surely be disappointed that the press won’t be knocking on his door to watch him berate Republicans.

4.  “Our Democratic colleagues have often remarked that the Senate is not a ‘rubber stamp’” (Senate Minority leader Mitch McConnell R-KY) in reference to Obama’s request for speedy confirmation.  In the best interests of the country, the longer this confirmation can be delayed, the better.  McConnell is correct in noting that the rubber stamp mentality is now firmly in the Democrats’ hands.  Leftists want this activist on the bench just as soon as possible to accelerate the process of ruining the country’s social and economic system.

3.  “(Sotomayor )is not unfamiliar to the United States Senate” – (White House Press Secretary Michael Gibbs)  Duh…Thinking himself a savvy politician, the White House Press Secretary pointed out that Sotomayor has received Senate confirmation to her current post on the US Court of Appeals (where Sotomayor points out that ‘policy is made’).   This is why Republicans should never make deals with Democrats.  Confirming Sotomayor earlier only weakens their hand in opposing her now.   The GOP can look for their past deals to come back to haunt them during confirmation.

2.  “A judge’s job is to interpret, not make law.  Yet these qualities alone are insufficient. We need something more.” (Obama, the Chosen One)  Of course Obama wants the Supreme Court to make His laws when Congress won’t.  Justifying federal take-over of Health Care, Auto Manufacturing and spending taxpayer funds to pay off ACORN and Unions that supported His election will require sanctioning from the nation’s highest court.   Sotomayor intends to make ‘policy’ – not law anyway.  Obama is content to believe that voters can’t tell the difference.

1.  “Personal experiences affect the facts that judges choose to see” (Sotomayor Herself).  Justifying selective recall and acknowledgement of law and facts frees the potential jurist from having to remember what the important facts are to each argument.   This seems to be the typical liberal position that truth is defined by the personal circumstances at that moment.  Personal experiences then justify any ruling as well as justify selective exclusion of any fact or important evidence.  

Political Humor - Ten Qualifications for Supreme Court Nominees

Now that President Obama has nominated the first Hispanic to the Supreme Court, investigation into her past rulings has begun.   Timed to overshadow North Korea’s threat to the United States, Obama released his pick for the Supreme Court and pleaded for ‘bipartisanship’ in the approval process.  (see the Bipartisanship Trap).

Since Justice David Souter announced his intent to resign, the flurry of activity investigating the next leftist to occupy a seat on the Judiciary has begun.  It was reported that President Obama had some conversations with former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich for advice on how to handle the vacancy.

With the election of Barack Obama the country has thrown off its racist past and now looks with courage to our new Socialist future.  Creating a newer, hipper country that is more sensitive to needs of those long ignored classes is work well underway.  Judge Sotomayor is just the kind of jurist to create the laws America needs to right the wrongs of centuries past.

In Obama’s America, justice is in the eye of the beholder.  The President wanted a Justice that will use every opportunity –regardless of case law or precedent – to advance His causes.  The Justice may not use existing law to stop progress on the march to Socialism.

Accordingly, Team Obama has found a nominee who appears willing to overrule prior legal precedent and use the bench to create the utopia that Obama was elected to produce.  The candidate also seems to be ‘cool’ in the eyes of leftist voters. Judge Sotomayor apparently passed the initial set of Ten Qualifications established by the Obama administration to measure her ‘coolness’ factor.  These areas included:

10.  Has own Facebook page – A measure of popularity is important.  The successful candidate should have a facebook page with over 100 close friends; friends should include Ralph Lauren.   Facebook is necessary to maintain the elitist belief system while appearing to be a regular person.

9.  Twitters - Being popular and staying in touch with the minions for whom the Justice decides important issues is key to determining what is best for the masses.  Telling the masses what is good for them  - whether they like it or not - is part of the new job description for a Supreme Court Justice.   When one can ‘tweet’ pontifications, it leaves more time to watch PBS and CNN to hear what the President wants everyone to think.

8.  Participated in student government – While studying, it is important that the candidate have experienced the futility of working in student government.  It is an essential part of one’s life experience to have put in a lot of work on something that made very little difference.  This provides empathy for governmental positions during upcoming legal cases.

7.  Knows at least one Supremes song – Diana Ross may have been the lead singer, but it is important to understand the magic all three created together.   It is also important to understand that no one took Diana’s spotlight.  President Obama believes this analogy to be important.  Given Sotomayor’s pathetically slow speech at her introduction, she will never overshadow the President’s performance ability.

6.  Has seen “Free to Be You and Me” – The 1973 film proclaimed that little girls didn’t have to marry a prince and little boys could play with dolls if they so chose.  This was a milestone in overturning the culturally oppressive American values system.  It also featured lefty icon and vegetarian Marlo Thomas.

5.  Knows one alien; legal or otherwise – After all, no human being is illegal – they just haven’t been registered to vote.  Disenfranchised human beings have the right to provide low wage labor in exchange for registering and voting as Democrats.  This is a fundamental human right.   The successful candidate should have experience in hiring an alien and in dodging the associated payroll taxes.

4.  Has own iPod;  extra credit if it is an iPhone – Combining technologies, the iPhone and iPod merged uses to provide the ability to talk while listening to music.  Significantly, it impedes the ability to listen to others while using the iPhone.  A leftist Supreme Court Justice must never listen to others, but rely on the leftist values system to right the wrongs of the past 233 years.

3.  Is skilled at Guitar Hero – Connecting with the youth culture makes leftist indoctrination much easier.  This week, Metallica lead James Hetfield said that he believed Guitar Hero is a great gateway drug to real music.  A new Supreme Court Justice should not only understand youth culture and practice, he/she should be adept at the very things youth like to do – like pretending to perform real music.

2.   Knows where Barney Frank has takes his lunch – This is important as future cases before the bench may require a re-evaluation of leftist philosophy.  Since this can’t be done in public, the potential Justice must be prepared to visit the Oracle of Leftist Virtue at his place of feeding.  President Obama is the figurehead Oracle of Leftist Virtue, but He can’t be seen discussing ongoing cases.

1.   Has successfully dodged payment of federal taxes – Team Obama concluded that there are in fact, no Democrats who have paid all their taxes.  Turning this into an asset, Obama insiders have decided to make this a job requirement.  If a Justice can come up with a good reason why he or she didn’t pony up to Uncle Sam that would be a good precedent for other Congressional lefties when they get nailed.   A skilled legal mind would then also come up with reasoning why everyone else should follow a different set of taxation rules.

Political Humor - North Korea and President Obama

North Korea finally exploded a nuclear device.  Apparently getting the thing to work in a recent underground test, the North Korean regime has again called the Obama administration’s bluff and challenged the US President to take meaningful action.

How a North Korean nuclear test qualifies as Political Humor requires some definition.  It isn’t the test itself that qualifies; it is the Obama administration’s responses that are laughable.  In the hours following the test, Obama issued several statements in a series of meaningless verbal diatribes.   Holding firm to the Democrat belief that talking solves all problems, Team Obama launched its verbal assault expressing dismay and disappointment at the North’s nuclear test.  The North Koreans have heard this all before and fully understand that the US President will initiate no action to protect His country.  North Korea understands President Obama better than many US voters. 

That one can easily come up with ten laughable statements issued by the Obama administration is somewhat funny.  Actually, it is more frightening than funny.  Still, the absurdity of the Obama administration’s approach to North Korea deserves to be exposed.   Like the proverbial boy who cried wolf, Obama’s oratory without action can only endanger the United States.  Obama’s naïve handling of the North Korean situation only invites further escalation of the DPRK’s effort to develop weapons of mass destruction as well as the means to deliver them.  And rest assured that the Iranians are watching how Obama talks his way around this crisis.

 Democrats fail to grasp almost all realities when it comes to international affairs.  The one thing liberals do understand is that when people are laughing at them, they are likely to lose the next election.   It is therefore incumbent on the opposition to laugh at liberals whenever possible.  In analyzing the flurry of statements flowing from the Democrat leadership, it is a simple matter to point out the absurdities.

After significant deliberation to whittle the list down to ten, the crack FirstConservative team has identified the ten silliest Obama statements issued over the past two days in response to the North Korean nuclear test.

10.  “North Korea’s actions are reckless and pose a grave threat” (Obama).  Winner of the ‘broken record’ category, President Obama called the North Korean action reckless.   How courageous!  In all previous crises with DPRK, the US has referred to ‘recklessness’ on the part of North Korea.   The term recklessness usually refers to the existence of some counter action or consequence that the offender is likely to suffer.  With Obama at the helm of US defense however, the North Koreans understand that there simply is no consequence.  Therefore, their actions are not reckless.

9.   “By acting in blatant defiance of the United Nations Security Council, North Korea is directly and recklessly challenging the international community,” (Presidential Statement).  Oh wince!  DPRK has been an international outcast for over a generation.  Nothing indicates that North Korea cares about what the international community thinks.  And as long as Communist China and Russia continue to sit in on Security Council meetings, North Korea may act relatively freely.

8.   “North Korea’s reported nuclear test is a primarily a diplomatic matter right now, not a military one” (Admiral Mike Mullen – Chairman of the Joint Chiefs).  This statement qualifies as silly, because Admiral Mullen doesn’t want to be anywhere near the Obama administration decision makers on this.  Making an issue a ‘diplomatic one’ removes defense from responsibility.  When a North Korean bomb wipes out an American or Israeli city, then the matter becomes a military one.

7.  “(North Korea has become) increasingly belligerent,” (Adm. Mullen).  Duh…  Mullen must have had some help writing this.  Either that or he flunked every history exam he ever took.   DPRK has been an aggressive killer-nation since its creation in the aftermath of WWII.  North Korea’s government has no problem starving its own citizens.  Of course it is belligerent.  The fact that they are willing to kill and be killed should have provided some indication that the nation needed to be dealt with well prior to even the Clinton administration.  The question for the Admiral then is, ‘what consequence should North Korea expect should they take another step with the nuclear program?’

6.  “Such provocations will only serve to deepen North Korea’s isolation.” (Presidential Statement). If isolation meant anything to North Korea, it would have capitulated after the fall of the Soviet Union.  What does it mean to be ‘less isolated?’  North Korea is smack between thriving, market driven societies in Japan, South Korea and Communist China.  The Chinese are actually pretty good market driven business people themselves, earning trillions of dollars selling the labor of its people on international markets.  North Korea cannot become much more ‘isolated’ except by military blockade – with Obama in charge, DPRK knows this will never happen. 

5.  “(North Korea poses a) grave threat to international security” – (Obama at the Rose Garden this morning) Where did the international affairs gurus on Team Obama get their degrees?   The United States needs some adults on this team.    DPRK has been a horrible threat for years.  This situation isn’t new.   Look for Obama to schedule a Korean Apology Tour and visit Pyongyang to get them to like us.  Then the US could be fairly certain that a Korean bomb would never kill millions of Americans or American allies.  

4.  “Such action by North Korea is unacceptable and cause for great alarm,” (House Speaker Nancy Pelosi in Beijing).  That Pelosi would even open her mouth on an international matter is humorous.  That the liberal Speaker of the US House of Representatives finds his actions ‘unacceptable’ certainly has Kim Jong Il shaking in his fur lined jackboots.  A threat from Pelosi does more to encourage her adversaries than it does to deter them.    Pelosi simply isn’t a believable statesperson when it comes to threatening a meaningful consequence.

3.  “It (DPRK) will not find international acceptance,”  (Obama Himself).   This of course presumes that North Korea values ‘international acceptance.’  Again, Team Obama must have been drinking beer at the student union when the lessons on negotiation were taking place.   A successful negotiation requires that one provide something the adversary wants or provide a credible threat to something the adversary already has – like their very existence.  The teen-aged wisdom currently guiding Team Obama holds that having the Chosen One recognize North Korea as a member of the world community (whatever that is) would be enough motivation to cease building and testing atomic weapons.  

2.  “The United States and the international community must take action in response,” (Obama Himself).   Obama has never understood that there is no ‘international community.’  In fact, most world leftists fail to grasp this.  The very concept of a ‘world community’ implies that the citizens of the world are bound together by a common set of objectives and view of the future.   Like closing down Guantanamo Detention Center without a workable plan Obama has now committed the ‘international community’ to some form of action – again without a specific plan or idea.  This may be a moot point in the UN as the Chosen One will never motivate China and Russia to join with the United States in taking meaningful action.    Here again, Obama’s words will only encourage North Korea to continue with its weapons program.

1.  “The United States and its allies must stand up to North Korea,” (Obama in the Rose Garden).   Democrats are good at inspiring others to ‘stand up’ for their pet causes.   Unfortunately, when the situation requires more than ‘standing up’ and making noise, Democrats are the first to turn tail and look for an exit strategy.  That strategy usually includes appeasement.    For Democrats, standing up to an adversary loses its luster as a strategy the second the adversary objects.  Democrats then look to conservatives for the courage to take action.

Political Humor - Top Ten Occupations for Released Terrorists

A great quote from John Boehner:  “The world did not suddenly become safe in January 2009. There are still terrorists around the world who are committed to killing Americans and destroying our way of life. A number of those terrorists are being held at the prison in Guantanamo Bay right now,” said House Minority Leader John Boehner. “If the administration is allowed to proceed, they won’t be there for long. In fact, they may be right here, in the United States.”

Conservatives have long accused Democrats of coming up with wild ideas and no way to execute them.  Like providing health care for all that the government would pay for, Democrats have no clue how to actually make something like this work.  And now that closing Guantanamo Bay Detention center has become a reality under President Obama, once again, Democrats have no idea what to do.

At its core, the Democrat party has always believed that it is the thoughtful and compassionate organization that deserves to make decisions for the nation.  As the country’s Ruling Class the Democrats’ job is just making decisions – it is the job of others to carry them out.  President Obama’s decision to shut the detention center at Guantanamo illustrates this perfectly.  Without any plan, he issued an executive order closing the base within days of his inauguration.  Believing that prisoners would somehow be distributed within the United States and treated as shoplifters instead of terrorists, Obama believed that because He ordered the base closed, the public would accept it.

Subsequently, Congressional Democrats heard from their constituents and concluded that these killers actually were bad people.  On top of that, these bad people might wind up in their districts under a jurisdiction that might one day release them.  The thought that trained mass murderers might be released onto the streets of San Francisco suddenly had Democrats’ attention.   Even a Democrat doesn’t want a trained killer in her district.

So what to do with experienced Islamic murderers?  While Democrats are waiting for someone to take them, the Obama administration staffers have been developing ideas on what to do with the Islamic terrorists should they be released.  To make them productive members of American society, they have outlined several jobs for which the terrorists might be qualified.  The top ten jobs for terrorists are:

10.  Border Patrol Assistant - Terrorists have the same philosophy on border protection as Secretary Napolitano, so they should be useful in helping out the over-stressed agents on site.

9.  ACORN Support – After receiving significant federal funding, ACORN is positioned to use the terrorists as trainers for their new role as street enforcers of Obama’s social policies.

8.  Alcatraz Tour Guides – When Nancy Pelosi resisted suggestions to place prisoners on the island, the thought occurred to staffers that given their prior prison experience, they would make useful and informed tour guides.  They would also have access to San Francisco’s vibrant social scenes.

7.  Yucca Mountain Technician – Future home to America’s atomic waste, this seemed like a natural ‘fit’ for those that have experience trying to acquire low-grade nuclear material.  

6.  Budget Cutters – Cutting the federal budget requires a radical new look at existing programs. Terrorists would be able to quickly reprioritize all budget considerations.

5.  Lawyers – Terrorists are a natural fit for any business that requires a high level of intimidation skill.

4.  IRS Auditors – Akin to becoming lawyers, using terrorists as IRS agents would significantly improve revenues to the federal government.

3.  Security at KFC stores – Restraining rioters cashing in Oprah coupons for discounted chicken lunches should be easy for guys with great big swords ready to decapitate unruly patrons.

2.  Treasury Dept. Staffer – Since Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner can’t find any Democrat who has paid his or her taxes, using terrorists as Treasury officials would allow the Obama administration to finally fill some much needed Treasury positions.

1. Interrogator – Few people have interrogation skills of Islamic terrorists.  Threats to behead prisoners would generate great quantities of useful information.  As the terrorists are not American citizens, they wouldn’t be restrained by the Uniform Code of Military Justice or by Presidential edicts against torture.

Presidential Apology Tour – Middle East Version

Saddled with the universal liberal belief that all problems may be solved by talking, the President is outlining what aides term a ‘reconciliation’ speech and call to action.  This speech is tentatively set for Cairo, Egypt the first week of June.  The Iranian leadership again expressed optimism that peace in the middle-east may be achieved – once Israel is wiped off the map. 

Sensing an opportunity to use his speechmaking skills to talk peace into the hearts of Islamic militants, the Obama team has been developing a list of reconciliation items – or things to apologize for.  Since the European and Latin American Apology Tours produced such spectacular results, Obama intends to employ the same methodology to bring peace to a region where people have hated one another for generations.  The White House theory goes that a good speech would make trained killers and terrorists ‘like’ the United States.  Terrorists would then cease fighting against the western world.  Additionally, a good speech may inspire Islamic moderates to take action against militancy and terrorism.   Interestingly, the only Islamic government actually fighting against Islamic militancy is found in Iraq.

Having lived in a bad neighborhood since inception and having been betrayed by past peace deals, Israel wants no part of an arrangement based on the Obama beliefs.  A two state solution where Israel’s neighbors remain committed to destruction of the Jewish state just doesn’t make sense to most Israelis.   Israeli leadership understood for years that it’s most staunch ally might one day try to push them in a direction they don’t want to go.  Therefore, Israelis are determined to find a way to survive on their own.  This may involve a preemptive attack on her enemies.

The President this week is expected to again threaten Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu with reductions in American support should Israel attempt to disrupt the Iranian nuclear program.  Obama wants to disrupt the Iranian nuclear program himself by dropping words on Iranian citizens.  The Israelis would like to drop something a little more substantial on the nuclear facilities themselves.

Obama is walking into this alligator pit as if he were going to church on Sunday (or whatever Sunday He actually attends).   One upside to the Obama plan is that pursuing His path towards a middle-east ‘peace’ could dramatically improve the prayer lives of most ‘citizens of the world.’

As Team Obama embarks on its middle-east peace mission, the White House staff is focusing on its top ten apology items designed to get terrorists to like America. 

10. – Israel, Generational hatred - Hatred for Israel would not mitigated by removing the Jewish state.  Islamic militants view western support for Israel as just another evil in itself.  Should Israel be destroyed that western evil would remain a target.  Obama will apologize for America’s part in creating this generational hatred – even though Israel has been the only solid ally in times of conflict that the US could rely upon. Obama seems content to trade Israel’s existence for, well… nothing.

9.  Israel, Lands held – Demanding a return to the 1967 borders, Hamas and Islamic Jihad have stated that no peace talks may begin until Israel returns all lands captured in the 1967 war for survival.  Falling into the trap, Obama has not resisted the call to return land only in exchange for talking.  Israel’s demand for recognition seems to be the main obstacle from the Obama point of view.  Obama will reveal his sorrow that former Palestinian lands are under the control of some foreign government and may publicly demand that Israel enter into negotiations with those sworn to destroy her.

8.  Israel, repatriation – In addition to returning lands held since 1967, militant calls for rights of repatriation for those displaced by Israel’s creation are reaching the Obama ears.  Palestinians would then have the right to return and do God-Knows-What to their Jewish neighbors.  Obama will express sorrow for those held in Palestinian refugee camps since 1949 – even though the hosting Arab governments have not provided support or settlement in those many years.

7.  Israel, military success – Audacity and ingenuity are hallmarks of Israeli military success.  They are a huge embarrassment to her enemies.  Apologizing for success is something Obama is particularly good at.  He is also quite good at punishing those that are successful.

6.  Israel, Lebanon – Invading Lebanon in 1982, the Israeli military was able to roll through south Lebanon to stop militant attacks originating there.  After pulling out of Lebanon to advance the cause of peace, Hezbollah and other terrorist groups resumed rocketing Israeli towns.  Seeking to avoid the embarrassment caused by her successful 1982 action, Israel again invaded in 2006 but encountered a much more difficult adversary.    Obama must apologize for not stopping these actions and should allow terrorists to fire unguided rockets wherever they choose.

5.  Israel, destroying Syrian nuclear facility – When caught developing a nuclear weapons facility, Israel again badly embarrassed her neighbor by sending in a crack team of military experts destroy the facility, apparently taking out one or two North Korean advisers in the process.  In the flash raid, Israel was able to completely annihilate the facility.  To avoid further embarrassment, Syria razed the site within a matter of days.  Obama will apologize for this action and reiterate the right of terrorist states to develop weapons of mass destruction.

4.  Israel, Intelligence – Israel’s Mossad knows what their enemies are planning well in advance of execution. The discovery of Iranian and Syrian nuclear weapons programs were a particular embarrassment.  Obama will apologize for this failed policy and will promise to share with Israel’s enemies, any information provided by the Israeli intelligence agency.  By allowing Islamic extremists to retain their pride, they are more likely to make peace over the rubble that was once the Israeli state.

3.  Israel, Yom Kippur War – Arab states thought they finally figured out a way to beat the Israelis on the battlefield back in the autumn of 1973.  A brilliantly executed surprise attack across the Suez Canal took Egyptian forces back into the Sinai desert where six years earlier, they had been driven out by an Israeli surprise attack.  The Syrians hit at Israeli postions along the Golan frontier as well.  After floundering for two days, the Israeli home-defense plan kicked into gear and (see item 7), found a weak point along a different part of the Suez Canal.  The IDF then crossed to invade part of the Egyptian homeland.  Quickly cutting off the entire Egyptian 3rd Army in the Sinai, Egypt was again forced to sue for a cease fire and wound up achieving nothing.  Israel proved that if attacked, she could defend herself and inflict additional punishment on those that would destroy her.    Obama plans to apologize for this insult, as success, audacity and leadership must never be rewarded.

2.  Israel , Camp David Peace Accords – President Jimmy Carter succeeded in bringing in a major Arab state to negotiate terms of peace with the State of Israel.  Although a fellow Democrat, Obama must apologize for this as no US President should be allowed to facilitate peace with the Jewish state. 

1.  Israel, 1967 War – the single biggest black-eye for neighboring states, the tiny state of Israel managed to fight and win a three-front war in six days.  Using fewer than 200 aging French aircraft, the horribly out-gunned Israel Air Force destroyed the entire Soviet-supplied MiG air capabilities of three countries and overwhelmed the ground forces of those nations.  (Interestingly, this was the first and only military victory in which French aviation hardware was used.  Coming on the 41st anniversary of the Six-Day War, the President will apologize for not warning Israel’s enemies – even though the US didn’t know the attack was coming either.  Obama will also talk about the importance of returning captured land so that Israel’s enemies might attack more conveniently.

Daily Obamatude for May 23

Reality set in this week in Sacramento as voters refused to allow their state government to appropriate more of citizen’s hard earned money.  In what should be a lesson to the rest of the United States, California’s tax policy finally revealed what happens when citizens demand goods and services at the expense of others.  Bankruptcy is now a real possibility for the Golden State.

California legislators now must begin the work of being honest with their constituents;  they must start cutting services they promosed as part of the massive Calfirona social compact.   This will be particularly distateful to state Democrats as for years liberals have purchased votes using benefits paid for by weathier residents.  Now that fewer residents are paying into the state fund, fewer services are available and Democrats have to answer for it.  It will at least make the news worth watching.

Cool is California - for it makes Me appear frugal

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