First Conservative - Political Humor and Obamatudes

Daily Obamatude for April 30

The Washington Press Corps completed its capitulation to the will of the Obama Presidency last evening by failing to ask serious questions about the economy and other important matters.    Staged in front of a national audience, Obama gave his usual speech blaming his predecessor for the number of problems that he has to confront.  Then he jumped into the frenzy of the press conference, eventually entertaining a whopping total of 13 questions. 

Part of Team Obama’s strategy is to simply burn up all the air time.  That is the best way to decrease the risk of being asked a meaningful question.   The chosen media lap dogs seemed content and were allowed no follow-ups.     Emanuel’s team did a masterful job in picking uncurious journalists to administer generally easy questions.

Obamatude for April 30….

Cool is Rahm Emanuel -  for he shall make my questions easy

Below are several pieces including obvious follow up questions that went unasked at last evenings presse fete, Senator Specters ten REAL reasons for joining the Democrat party.  Other lists include Obama’s top accomplishments in his first 100 days, and a summary of the Obamaflu virus that is sweeping the nation.

Thanks for reading!

Obama Press Conference – Unasked Questions

Team Obama has discovered one of the really nice things about controlling the Presidency is that you don’t have to pay for airtime.  Most networks were all too anxious to give up revenue generating programming to cover a speech and 13 softball questions.   Small wonder the networks are losing market share and boatloads of money.  No matter, since they are the mouthpieces of the Obama message, they will be first in line for the next set of bail outs.

Obama began his Pep Rally by – of course – apologizing.  Seeming a bit out of character because of being on American soil, Obama chose to issue an apology to pigs.  Feeling they have been maligned by their association with the recent flu outbreak, the President apparently wanted to make the swine feel better about themselves - right before they are turned into pork chops and bacon.

Like most Pep Rallies, Team Obama indeed rolled out a smooth and crisp performance, owing primarily to careful screening of the journalists present.  The only reporters that were allowed to ask questions were generally ones few people have ever heard of.  These are the ones who would be expected to ask simple and ridiculous questions. 

All press conferences include at least a couple strange or irrelevant questions.  However, the media’s leftward bias is more revealed in those questions that go ‘unasked.’   Softball questions leave plenty of room for obvious follow ups. 

Topics ranged prisoner interrogations to the usual ‘touchy-feely’ ones including:  “What surprised you the most, what has what has enchanted you the most and what has humbled you the most about being President”   Akin to asking the man in the most powerful and influential position in the world what kind of tree he would be and why, this question revealed an incredible lack of curiosity on the part of the main stream press for all important issues.  The reporter who asked this should be ashamed of wasting the world’s time and wasting an incredible opportunity to get some meaningful information.

Obvious follow up:  - actually, there simply can be no follow up to a question this stupid.

On enhanced questioning of prisoners and prosecuting those that approved it – supported by congressional democrats – Obama believes that interrogations although they saved American lives, were unnecessary.  Dredging up an irrelevant reference to Winston Churchill and German prisoners who had no useful information, the President admitted that the enhanced questioning worked.  Incidentally, the UK -owing to its experience in Ireland and elsewhere - has one of the most feared interrogation methodologies around.

Obvious follow up: What were these ‘other’ methods and how would they have saved lives in LA - the target of the alleged terror attack?
Obvious follow up II:  Who changed the President’s mind on prosecuting those that approved of these interrogations and why?

On automobile industry take over plans – The President said that he wanted the companies to stand on their own and that Chrysler was set to merge with Fiat.  This ensures that a portion of whatever future profits the company might earn would be sent to Italy.  That would certainly be good for American taxpayers.   

Obvious follow-up: Does the government intend to keep a controlling interest or a voice in Chrysler or GM? Or does the administration favor getting out of the business completely.
Obvious follow up II:  Why then is the federal role increasing in the operations of these companies?

On the size of the federal government - Obama stated that He doesn’t want bigger government

Unbelievably obvious follow up:  how does the massive expansion of the federal role in banking and manufacturing fit the definition of smaller government?  And how does the incredible increase in the national debt contribute to smaller government?

On Pakistan - Interestingly, the President didn’t offer any apologies and instead chose to express no confidence in the democratic government he as a Senator, insisted be installed.  That country’s nuclear arsenal is under some threat by the Taliban and other militants and should Pakistan fall to these insurgents, Al Qaeda would have instant access to nuclear weapons.  

Obvious and terrifying follow up:  Now that you have said that you don’t believe the Pakistani government can handle the situation, what realistic measures would you take to help? (Perhaps the obvious answer was as scary as the question – Obama would be left apologizing to militant Islam so they won’t kill millions of us in our homeland)  

Daily Obamatude

Following Senator Specter’s defection to the Democrat party, the President rejoiced last evening and seeing a clear path to change America even more radically – at least until 2010.  Then, Democrats will have no one to blame for failings of the federal government.

Obamatude for April 29….

Hip is Senator Specter -  for he shall free me from reason

Below are Senator Specters ten REAL reasons for joining the Democrat party.  Other lists include Obama’s top accomplishments in his first 100 days, and a summary of the Obamaflu virus that is sweeping the nation.

Thanks for reading!

Specter Bails Out – Real Reasons He Defected   

Senator Arlen Specter is now a Democrat.  Although it remains a mystery why Democrats with their large Senate majority would want an unreliable ally, the move came as no surprise to anyone reviewing his voting record. 

Senator Specter of Pennsylvania made it official yesterday by defecting to the Democrat party.  Specter will fit perfectly within the leftist party apparatus as many of his core philosophies cannot be identified.  Except when there was an opportunity to insult his supporters in the conservative community, one could never predict how he would vote on given issues. 

Specter’s support of the outrageous spending contained in Obama’s Stimulus bill may have been the last straw for Republicans.   Pennsylvania conservatives rose up to support Specter’s primary opponent, former Congressman Pat Toomey when Specter defected and supported the bill.  It became apparent to the Specter camp that the Senator would be crushed by the wave of conservative anger in the primary.  Accordingly, he made the decision to possibly be crushed as a Democrat in the general election.  Pollsters are giving the nod to Specter at this point, but when inflation, unemployment and interest rates hit double digits early in 2010, the standings may change.

During his press conference Specter blamed the right wing of the Republican party for driving him out, Specter outlined a litany of reasons for going over to Democrats.  However, there were a few items conspicuously missing from Specter’s list, including:

10.  Obama had him over for a beer on Super Bowl Sunday.  Owing to his volatile and unpredictable nature, Specter has been hurting for friends.  The invitation really meant a lot to him.  Specter was even served snacks on good White House china.  Bush never did that, always saying something about protecting the taxpayer’s property.

9.  Harry Reid promised to take him to that diner in Searchlight, Nevada that he always talks about.  The two Senators are to spend a morning eating pancakes and playing nickel slots.  Specter has to find the place first though.

8.  Nancy Pelosi promised him a ride out to Alcatraz.  Specter should have procured Pelosi’s promise to bring him back as well.  Pelosi will hold that little bit of information from him pending the first few votes.

7.  President Obama promised to campaign for him during the fall campaign.  Obama also promised to let Specter play with His teleprompter.   Interestingly , Obama’s help may turn out to be a disadvantage with the inflation rate expected to hit double digits by campaign time in 2010. 

6.  Specter was promised a major speaking role at the next  NOW convention.  As a Republican, he couldn’t associate with abortion rights activists.

5.  Barney Frank promised him lunch at his club.

4.  Timothy Geithner promised to do the Senator’s taxes

3.  The President set him up for a ride on Air Force One during a photographer’s flight.  Specter thought it would be fun to buzz the Empire State Building.

2.  Was given a new Pontiac by Michigan Governor Granholm.

1.  Hillary promised to drop him off in Mexico City on her way to South America next week to enjoy the sights.

Daily  Obamatude

Following President Obama’s teleprompter gaffe yesterday - in which He apparently introduced the same folks twice - has all the media world on edge for tomorrow evening’s nationally televised press conference.  Will the President make another mistake? 

Only Fox Network chose to forgo another opportunity to provide Obama free airtime to pontificate.  Instead, Fox will be airing a new episode of “Lie to Me.”  Mere words cannot express the irony.  It just might be difficult to distinguish between the two programs.  One just can’t make this stuff up.
 
Obamatude for April 28….

Cool are Press Conferences - for the world shall listen only to Me!

New article below on the virus that threatens to sweep the nation.  No.. this isn’t the Swine Flu.  The Obamaflu is a neurological condition that impedes judgment, but helps liberals feel good about themselves.  Read the ten step recovery plan below.

Thanks for reading!  Please take the time to comment.  We’d love to hear from you.

Obamaflu - The New and Potent Virus

The outbreak of Swine Flu this past week in Mexico and the subsequent mobilization of federal resources to combat the spread of the virus brought just the kind of attention to the Obama administration that it covets.  Appearing calm and cool, the President spoke yesterday morning about – well – about fixing the teleprompter. 

Of course any outbreak of influenza is of concern.  However, another and potentially more lethal form of flu has been identified within the past 18 months that could impact the next several generations.  “Obamaflu” was first identified at the beginning of the 2008 Presidential campaign.  It causes those afflicted to lose perspective, react irrationally and emotionally to ordinary stimuli and remove from memory, common historical events.    The disease simulates ‘being in love,’ but like a drug or alcohol addition, the virus always mutates into an abusive relationship. 

Obamaflu impacts the central nervous system at the point in the brain where emotional stimuli connect to rational and logical brain functions.  In short, Obamaflu short circuits and prevents brain impulses from being analyzed by one’s logical capability.  The most at-risk for Obamaflu are young adults as well as those adults that prefer others to do their work and pay their taxes.   

Subsequent research has determined that Obamaflu is an entry level strain of Socialism.  If left untreated, Obamaflu can mutate into full blown willingness of the individual to surrender independent mental capacity to someone who gives a good speech.    (And what could go wrong with that?)

Obamaflu has already infected a slight majority of the US population.  Through careful intervention by friends, some have begun to build immunity against Obamaflu.  Some carriers have managed to strengthen their power of logic and analysis in order to throw off the infection.  Frequently, the strength to build a resistance to the virus is acquired from waiting in the unemployment line.

Now that Obamaflu has fully invaded US society, steps must be taken to prevent the spread of the virus, and where possible, build the immunity among those already infected.  Treatment and recovery often involve long and detailed arguments where facts must be continually presented to the victim until their sense of logic finally regains its foothold in the mind.   As logic and reasoning are the first senses to be attacked by the Obamaflu virus, they can be the most difficult abilities to restore in victims.  But through careful and determined effort, many will recover.   A long wait in the unemployment line also helps.     

The following steps may be taken either by an individual consumed with Obamaflu or undertaken by concerned peers.   The ten step recovery process for Obamaflu is:

10.  No CNN – One of the prime carriers of the Obamaflu virus is CNN.  Continued exposure to CNN dulls the senses and presents the logical mind with so many irrelevant musings, that an unnatural and unhealthy trust builds for the one providing information.  Keeping the victim away from CNN is a must.

9.  Paying taxes – one of the side effects of Obamaflu is the willingness to believe that because you support a certain political philosophy, that you are a better person and therefore shouldn’t have to pay taxes.  This hurts one’s ability to find employment at a high federal level.  Paying one’s taxes causes the victim to share the pain of his fellow citizens and to pay logical attention to how the government is spending the proceeds.

8.  Showering and general personal maintenance – A sub strain of the Obamaflu virus that is prevalent among ACORN members is characterized by living standards where showering is not the social norm.   Personal pride may be restored by living like civilized and thoughtful citizens.  Personal pride helps throw of the virus’ side effects.

7.  Joining a right wing group such as the American Legion - Open to Armed Forces Veterans, these groups openly support and respect those that give service to the country.  Prioritizing service to the country over service to a political party re-establishes a sense of honor and values.  Honor in particular is a very strong anti-Obamaflu treatment.

6.  Being mindful of contact with groups that continue to spread the Obamaflu virus -  Democrat party organizations have mutated into formerly innocent public groups such as the neighborhood book club.  If you are wondering whether your book club carries the Obamaflu virus, propose the next book reading to be Liberty and Tyranny by Mark Levin, or just mention the name Ann Coulter out loud.  The reaction will speak for itself.

5.  Finding or making a job - Much of the Obamaflu symptoms are exacerbated by unemployment which in turn creates a deep dependency on the ones seeking the power over the individual.  If one surrenders support in exchange for financial benefit, the recovery period is greatly extended.  For the unemployed finding or making a job provides pride of accomplishment as well as an income stream.  Obamaflu removes individual pride so any re-establishment of the pride emotion will begin to push the virus out of the system.

4.  Building an interest in something new – like NASCAR.  Understanding automobile racing can be an effort, but rules are simple….he who crosses the finish line first, wins.  This insults the sensibilities of Obamaflu carriers since not everyone is a winner.  However, the community that follows the sport is usually very supportive of newcomers and understands that even though there is only one winner, there is always another race.

3.  Watching alcohol consumption – at least until the Obamaflu is thrown out of the system.  Alcohol heightens the emotions while reducing the logical capacity of most consumers.  The same reason that most poor life decisions are made under the influence of alcohol applies to political decisions as well  - making an emotional decision about a logical question (such as who do you want to spend your life with, or who do you want to run the country) while overly emotional, usually turns out to be a poor decision.

2.   Getting out in Public! – Obamaflu is often carried by silent victims.  Individuals who crave change and seek something in which to put their hope are susceptible to picking up the virus.  However, the best prevention for picking up a silent case of the virus is to get out in public.  Gatherings at state capitol buildings proved great first-steps for several hundred thousand last April 15, as users saw the strength of their opposition to Obamaflu.

1.   Avoiding re-infection by careful associations– Obamaflu carriers – like cult leaders – are loath to lose a carrier.  Performing the prior steps ensures that the victim of Obamaflu will be much more able to use her/his newly developed defenses against the dark allure of Socialism – which Obamaflu is ultimately focused on achieving.  Personal achievement, pride and community interests all must be used to fight off the virus. 

Daily  Obamatude

Hoping to reap the benefits of the Obama Aplogy Tour, US Attorney General Eric Holder appealed to European nations to take custody of some Guantanamo prisoners.  European leftists vehimitely wanted Guantanamo closed and - so the reasoning went - now that Obama has made the US subservient to the European world view, Europe should be ready to do its part to redistribute the killers currently held on Gitmo.   Now.. anyone able to read history of European/US relations over the past century understood this to be an impossibility.  Obama is no doubt in shock that his oratory didn’t persuade the Europeans, and now He must figure out where to put the fanatics held at Guantanamo.  This is just like real work.  None of the Democrat intelligensia or the tenured faculty crowd were actually prepared to deal with it.

Liberals believe that they should set policies.  Lesser people should execute them.  
 
Obamatude for April 27….

Hip is Academia - for it shall define us as the ruling class

Below are the Top Ten Accomplishments for Obama’s First 100 Days, List of advantages provided by the Swine Flu outbreak, Top Ten Cities for Gitmo Prisoners, the Latin American Apology Tour and other bits of useful wisdom.

Upcoming for this week: silly questions asked at the press conference (as well as the silliest answers), preventing the spread of Obamaflu and many more.

Thanks for reading!  Please take the time to comment.  We’d love to hear from you.

Swine Flu Outbreak – Obama Top Ten Benefits   

Just as then-Senator Biden predicted during the campaign, the new President has indeed been presented with a crisis soon after taking office.  Little did the President know at the time Biden made his strange prediction that the 2:00 am call would come from his Physician.  

President Obama is sincerely concerned about the spread of a new strain of the Swine Flu and it was recently disclosed that He personally may have been involved in trafficking the virus from Mexico.   During the Mexico City portion of His Latin American Apology Tour, the President apparently came in close contact with someone later identified as a carrier of the Swine Flu virus.    If the President was exposed, hopefully he shared the germ family with His new BFFs Chavez and Ortega.  Perhaps he should have landed in Cuba on the way home after all.

Always quick to welcome a new crisis that will put him on television screens around the world, President Obama’s team scheduled a news conference to roll out his plan to confront the outbreak of Swine Flu.   Homeland Security Secretary Napolitano was in attendance to declare a national health emergency.  Although generally not believed to be lethal in a vast majority of cases, the newly rolled-out version of the virus certainly was a good enough reason to call a press conference. 

Always looking for advantages, the President’s crack political team then swung into action to maximize the crisis.  The team later presented the President with the following top ten list of possible advantages to be gleaned from the Swine Flu outbreak.  In summary, the outbreak:

10.  Ensures that everyone will be home on Wednesday to watch His news conference - Voters will either be home sick or home to stay out of public contact.  This may be the single greatest benefit of the Swine Flu crisis.  Obama needs to keep his poll numbers magical in light of the fact that public favorability to his specific programs are heading for the tank.

 9.  Gets DHS Secretary Napolitano off the subject of investigating veterans upon discharge from the armed services because they might be terrorists - Napolitano also needs the cover to shield her from criticism regarding the stream of folks that routinely use her home state to bring in contraband.

8.  Gets Hannity and O’Reilly to talk about something else – Nightly thorns in side of Obama’s political team are Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly.  Both have been chastising the President over his Apology Tours.  The flu crisis should be something to get these two off track for a few days.

7.  Confronting the crisis could be added to the President’s list of achievements for the first 100 day period - Team Obama has always told the public that they’ve faced more problems than anyone since God.  It would be nice to add this to the list of problems solved within the first three months.

6.  Might allow Rahm to get the flu - The staff is getting a little tired trying to keep up with the President’s changing positions and Rahm is getting cranky.   The staff needs a bit of a break.

5.  Allows a small role for Biden – VP Biden is chomping at the bit to get more involved in government policy.  Team Obama wisely believes that the VP should just stay in his undisclosed, secure location and out of public view as well as earshot.  Unfortunately, Biden was not involved in the recent trip to Mexico City and is probably the most senior staff member not at some risk for exposure to the virus.    Imagine the entire White House staff coming down sick and turning the daily press briefing over to the Vice President.  At least people would tune in.

4.  Gives Hillary a break.  Secretary of State Clinton has been busy trying to convince the Pakistani government to fight the Taliban that is taking over good chunks of that country.  Unfortunately for them Pakistanis are only good at shooting at their Indian neighbors and are entirely unprepared to take on a dug-in guerilla force.  Someone might get hurt.  Hillary has completely struck out in most of her missions so far, so she needs a few days to rethink her strategy.

3.  Provides relief to Attorney General Eric Holder.  Holder has been whacked with Guantanamo problems this week.  While appealing for European help in taking custody of these killers, Europe wisely laughed in his face.  Holder hasn’t quite picked up the President’s ability to apologize profusely and came away from his Europe trip with zero commitments.  That actually matches the President’s performance, so Holder shouldn’t feel too badly.  Holder now has to confront residents of the cities in the United States where these murderers would be housed after closing the Guantanamo detention center.  Americans won’t be as tolerant as the Europeans.  In short, it has been difficult for the Attorney General and the Swine Flu might give him a chance to kick back for a day or two.

2.   Gives the President an opportunity to visit members of the journalistic community that may also have contracted the virus during the trip to Mexico.    This would allow the President to appear compassionate by allowing members of the media to fawn all over him during the visit.  A fawning journalist running a 103 temperature would surely generate some great on-camera moments

1.   Provides yet another opportunity to blame one of the world’s ills on George W. Bush.  Had Bush properly funded scientific research and been a good international neighbor to Mexico, the crisis would not have taken its current form.  

Daily  Obamatude

US Congresspeople are among the best double-talkers in the world.  While campaigning for cutting government expenditures, they routinely bring back to their districts much more in government spending than that district provides to the Treasury.  This is why there is an incredible and growing deficit. 

Liberals in particular believe that cutting government spending should be done  - by someone else. 
 
Obamatude for April 26….

Cool is the US House - for they shall keep the debt crisis alive

Check out the top ten columns for the past week.  Included are the Top Ten Accomplishments for Obama’s First 100 Days, Cities for Gitmo Prisoners, the Latin American Apology Tour and other bits of useful wisdom.

Upcoming for this week:  most silly questions asked at the press conference (as well as the silliest answers), preventing the spread of Obamaflu and many more.

Thanks for reading!  Please take the time to comment.  We’d love to hear from you.

Obama’s Top Ten Accomplishments – His First 100 Days

As we approach the blessed milestone of President Obama’s first 100 days in office, it is time for a look back at His top accomplishments.  The President began his term by expressing concern about the sheer number of problems faced by the nation and has since taken drastic action to exacerbate each.

One can’t call the President a liar for not attempting to keep his word.  However, what many simply thought was campaign rhetoric, turns out to be the actual set of Obama objectives.  Should the liberal media ever analyze campaign positions and discuss implications of certain proposals, the country could have a reasoned discussion over which would be the better candidate.  Unfortunately, emotional rhetoric seems to carry modern elections and America will have to endure.  This past election cycle was determined by the chill going up Chris Mathews’ leg.

For now, as we hit the 100 day mark, it is appropriate to look back at the damage the President has done to the country, and to be fair, look at His accomplishments, including:

10.    Entering the oval office through the window – in an attempt to display his super human powers, the President attempted to enter the Oval Office through a window.  Photographers that captured the incident are still being sought.

9.    Getting the teleprompter equipment through European customs – Transporting this much stuff required the White House to procure a dispensation against trafficking in performance equipment.   Europeans don’t’ like a lot of American hardware flowing through their nations, so they were suspicious of this much equipment and technical support personnel.  All ended well, though when the Obama ‘roadies’ made good friends with those that the President was apologizing to.

8.    Closing Guantanamo – To payback his lunatic leftist supporters, President Obama signed an executive order closing the Guantanamo detention center within the first few hours of his Presidency.  While the world’s loons rejoiced, an unnamed reporter inadvertently asked where the prisoners were to be taken.   Obama staff then realized that their jobs required actually doing work and not simply telling others what to think. 

7.    Keeping Biden gaffes to a minimum – Since the election, the Vice President has been held in an undisclosed, secure location – As the VP once referred to his boss as “Barack America” Biden is not to be let loose on the public.  Look for Biden to reappear sometime in early 2011 to kick off the next Presidential campaign by taking attention away from the President’s failures.

6.    Bribing media to keep questions easy – and to keep them waiting at their dinner bowls for the next scrap of misinformation thrown to them by Robert “Soft Shoe” Gibbs.  Some journalists however, have been trained to act independently, such as CNN’s Susan Roesgen.  She has received her invitation to the President’s Press Dinner and will get something other than held-over chicken in wine sauce. 

5.    Finding people to work with Geithner – This is an ongoing task and has proved a bit more challenging than originally thought.  Prior to being appointed Treasury Secretary, Geithner didn’t think he should have to pay the same kind of taxes employers pay on their workers.  (Democrats typically think they are better people than the rest of us and should be able to leave the distasteful task of paying taxes to evil conservatives.)  When the firestorm finally subsided, Obama made the decision not to appoint anyone else that had not paid their taxes.  Accordingly, no Democrat has been identified that fulfils that requirement.

4.    Taking no position on the use of enhanced interrogation – Or.. rather… taking all the positions at once.  After telling security workers they were safe, the President heard from his nut-job supporters and took another stance without rejecting his first position.  Threatening to prosecute those that successfully prevented further loss of American life after 9/11 has successfully shut down one of the last pieces of government apparatus that accomplished its objectives. 

3.    Establishing a position as a living saint – The President has used his oratory skills to keep approval numbers up while keeping the economy down.  This by itself should be considered a miracle.  But given the state of public education – maybe not.

2.    Redistributing wealth – Obama successfully set the expectation that Joe the plumber will receive a CEO bonus.  Unfortunately, due to His 2010 inflation this might be true.  After all, he didn’t promise how much his inflation tax would cost.

1.    Fooling most taxpayers into thinking they’ll get a tax cut -   Putting all the pieces together, President Obama has masterfully woven media ignorance and compliance together with the lack of education on how a free economy functions, to create the illusion that the middle classes will receive a tax cut.  Tax rates for middle class folks will modestly decline, but the price for their lunch salads will go through the roof.  By structuring it this way, the lettuce pickers will be blamed for rising prices and not the President.